


A Bird in the Hand

by Koikro55



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Serious crack fic, they're just so dumb, they're so dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27460297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koikro55/pseuds/Koikro55
Summary: A short Radiohusk fic,but anyone could enjoy having a little laugh at these couple of idiots uwu
Relationships: Alastor & Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Radiohusk - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 96





	A Bird in the Hand

As the Pentagon stretched its morning rays down the brick walls of one of Hell's ten thousand casino joints, a flock of pigeons descended into the alley for a peaceful breakfast among the trash. Discarded out the back door among the rubbish was a stray cat. He'd been sleepily recovering from a drunken stupor between empty pizza cartons and garbage bags-- until the pigeons arrived to spoil his slumber. No other bird belonged in Hell quite as much as the pigeon, Husk thought. Husk rolled onto his stomach and treated himself to a nice cat-stretch (only because no one would see it), and then pulled himself together for the trek back to the Hotel. He didn't notice the half eaten food falling from his wings all the while, until he fell up the lobby stairs of the Hazbin Hotel and an unbeknown entourage of pigeons erupted from his tussled wings. 

Fuck.

At least the morning was young, so no one came downstairs to observe Husk maniacally waving a broom at flying rats. All eventually flew outside, except for one particularly dumb bird, who flew deeper into the bowels of the Hazbin. Husk stalked his small feathered annoyance until the little critter settled down for a nap next to a tall red-oak door. As soon as Husk bent to scoop up the little bird, that door opened. Husk's eyes scanned up from spit-shined pointed shoes to the glowing (and slightly confused) smile of his longest-time friend.

Uh.

"Husk," Alastor cooed, "Did you... bring me a pigeon?"

"Uhh... Yeah," Husk responded: he figured agreeing would be easier than explaining that he'd let an entire flock of pigeons poo over Charlie's lobby for the past hour. Well, Husk supposed it was getting close to Christmas, anyway.

"Oh darling, you truly debase yourself!" Alastor chimed happily.

Husk coughed and stood to place the dumb little pigeon in Alastor's clawed hand. What would Alastor do with a pigeon, anyway? Husk imagined that Alastor had a little forest in his room where he could prance around like a deer. That's how Niffty described the place anyway, when Husk won a secret off of her in a game of Blackjack. Husk always thought Alastor was secretly pretty dumb and cute behind his little "evil chaos incarnate" charade, and he was never disappointed learning something adorable about the "scariest" guy in town. He'd graduated in musical theater, for Lucifer's sake. Alastor gave Husk the patented, "are you staring at me because you're a creep, or because you're stupid?" smile and closed the door on him. So, Husk waddled back to his bar to drink off the impending hangover and tried not to think about another secret he'd been reminded of, that Niffty's washing pile from Alastor's room always included pairs of ladies' underwear.

🎙🦌

"Oh, darling," Alastor giggled into an antique phone, "He really did try to leave a small animal at my door!"

"That's simply what cats do when they like someone," Rosie teased though the cellular while nodding to herself, praising her worldly wisdom, "and it's just so romantic that he would make you breakfast!"

"Don't," Alastor warned, "I'm not at all the romantic sort, I wouldn't know a thing about it!"

Rosie feigned a slight annoyance with Alastor and his impossible love life, "It might be interesting to let someone show you," she nudged.

"But he's rude, smelly, and constantly miserable," Alastor scoffed, "and just because he's soft and funny and gentlemanly in his own way doesn't mean he's boyfriend material!"

"Well, _you_ eat pigeons, so..."

"Alright, point taken."

🎙🦌

Husk polished off his seventh bottle of jack and relaxed to the sound of having fuck-all customers. He was almost enjoying himself, until Alastor nuzzled into his feathers.

"What?" Husk barked sharply.

"I wanted to thank you for earlier," Alastor replied, muffled by Husk's immaculate cheek floof.

"By ruining my morning? Thanks, jerk." Husk huffed.

"The pets are free," Alastor hummed, "though I thought I might repay you for breakfast by taking you to lunch~"

Husk narrowed his eyes at Alastor, suspicious.

"I'll be paying, obviously," Alastor added.

"Sure, then, why not." Husk nodded.

"It's a date," Alastor squeezed his cat happily,

Husk blushed under his feathery coat, "Wait, what?"

"Oh Husk, there's no need to act so coy, you've been falling all over me for the past few decades!" 

Husk thought that being too drunk to stand didn't exactly count.

"-- and your gift today was absolutely delectable! No need to pine longingly over me anymore, dear! You're a man of unparalleled persuasion!"

Husk narrowed his eyes in disbelief while Alastor prattled on,

"Alastor..." Husk began, but, honestly, accidentally becoming Alastor's boyfriend was not the worst thing to ever happen to him. It might be kind of nice, actually, to see more of whatever hid behind Alastor's dumbass fake smile.

"... I think there's a diner in midtown that you'll really like," Husk added lamely. The little twinkle of excitement in Alastor's eyes made Husk's heart skip a beat. The absolute fucking traitor. 

"Just don't order a waiter and get us kicked out again, dumbass."


End file.
